Sex and the City

I watched the final episode of Sex and the City…I was thinking about not watching it ‘cause I was planning on watching it when they show it on HBO but I figured that I would have to wait a long time before they show it so I watched it…hehe! The ending was really nice…surprisingly sweet and heart warming….kinda predictable though…you really don’t have to wonder as to who Carrie would end up with…I was hoping it would somehow end the way Ally McBeal did…very feminist…very empowering…but it didn’t…but it’s ok…it made me cry…that’s enough*smiles*

I wanna go to Paris! I wish I meet a Russian Sculptor who would fly me to Paris…oh…I think I should specify…a 25-30ish Russian Sculptor please not some gramps (pardon moi Baryshnikov…I think you’re totally cool with the dancing and the accent and all but you’re just TOO OLD…hehe!) Seeing Carrie and Alexander Petrovsky all lovey dovey gives me the shivers…he’s toooooo old…he kinda reminds me of this elderly co-teacher I had in Ateneo…when I say ELDERLY I meant ELDERLY as in, in his 70’s…hehe!

Watching the final episode of Sex and the City frightened me…it made me wonder…Do I have friends? Do I have friends who will be happy when I’m happy? Do I have friends who worry when I’m in trouble? Do I have friends who still worry even when there really is nothing to worry about? Do I have friends who would always be ready to throw a line when I’m in deep s**t? Do I have friends who will shake me off my delusional state? Do I have friends with whom I can have regular girls’ night-outs despite being busy juggling family and work (RED ALERT: I’m not busy juggling family and work yet I don’t have this item!!!)? I don’t mean to sound melodramatic but this really worries me. I’m the type of person who fears attachment because of my fears of being abandoned ( I’m a very scared person…hehe!) so I have this tendency of letting go of friendships. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I have a totally valid reason for being this way…I figured that people will always be moving on so what’s the use of holding on to friendships? Most of the closest friends I ever had have left me; my first close friend who was my cousin left for Australia when we were 7, the second close friend I had stopped going to church, the third close friend I had went to another university, the fourth and fifth close friend I had went to the states, the sixth close friend I had resigned, the seventh close friend who also happens to be my sister left for the states…I’m so tired of being the one left behind! I know no matter how hard I try to convince myself that this logic is valid I know it’s stupid…I still have friends, don’t get me wrong, I’m just scared that if I give too much I might get left behind again so I turned into this cold hearted, un-involved, distant “friend” who says she wants to meet up for lunch and dinner then cancel at the last minute. Last Sunday, I chose the mall over my college friend’s daughter’s baptism…I’m a very BAAAAAD FRIEND…I shouldn’t be surprised if I die old, gray and alone.