birthday blues

I'm turning 27 in 3 days. I was excited about celebrating my birthday a few days ago but it looks like excitement has turned to fear...it's not that I'm scared to grow old...I'm just worried that I may be growing old without getting to experience life in all its splendor...I'm worried that one of these days I'd look back, ask myself what I've accomplished and see nothing...I'm worried that people would keep on asking me when I'm gonna get married or why am I still single and I'm gonna have to smile a fake smile and say that I'm staying single by choice and that I'm enjoying life too much that I wouldn't want to tie myself up to someone when in fact what's keeping me from getting married is the lack of someone to whom I can be married to (haha!)...pardon me for whining...well it's been a while since I whined in here...hehe!

I know it's stupid for me to worry about all these silly things...I actually should be thankful 'cause I think I had one great year...I met new friends that I intend to keep for a looooooooong time...I got a job which surprisingly, I totally enjoy, even love...I'm just starting to enjoy single life, going out with friends...going home late(hehe) and just enjoying life...I got the chance to teach these these awesome students who ironically are teaching me sooooooooooooo much about life...I have a family which may be FAR from perfect but I truly adore...God has blessed me with so much this year and I must say that I've learned a lot...'guess I'm growing up(finally! hehe).

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I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the umpteenth time and the first disc of Before Sunrise and as usual, they made me all melancholic. I don't know why I do this to myself...why do I intentionally make myself sad? hehe! Am I sick or something??? Sometimes I wonder whether there may be something wrong with my brain...do other people think about these things too??? I remember seeing the trailer of the movie "Proof" with Gwyneth Paltrow and Athony Hopkins...I remember there was a part there where the character of Gwyneth who was a Math genius was telling Athony Hopkins, his equally genius father, about her fear that she may be going crazy since they have a history of women in their family just losing it...anyway...so she asked her father whether she could be going crazy and her father said that she can't be going crazy...she asked "why?"...he said "crazy people don't ask themselves whether they're going crazy." Am I going crazy??? hehe!