Christmas 2005

This is my least favorite part of Christmas…it’s last hours. You spend months and months anticipating…looking forward to this one special day and now it’s gonna be over soon *sighs* I wish time would stop…I don’t wanna wait another year for another ChristmasL (forgive me for being such a baby)

Christmas, as usual, was action packed. Spent Christmas Eve day cooking for our Christmas Eve feast…prepared some lasagna and pumpkin soup...yummy^^ We had a REALLY extravagant Christmas dinner and as always we all pigged out…hehe! We went to church in Christmas morning...had lunch at my grandmother's house...went to my other grandmother's house to eat some more...went to the cemetery (grandfather's grave)....went back to grandmother's house to eat again (haha!) then we went back home.

It’s funny how Christmas never turns out the way we always hope it would be…there’s always something wrong that happens on Christmas day and this Christmas was no exception. Sometimes I wish I can go back to when I was young, when Christmas was just wonderful...but I guess it’s pointless to think this way…I don’t know…maybe these kinds of Christmases makes you go back to what Christmas really is all about…it’s about Christ coming to an imperfect world to show love and grace…it’s about God showing you the greatest love that only he can give…it’s about God being our only hope.

Yesterday, my family and I visited our former pastor who now has cancer. We’ve been planning to visit him and we thought that Christmas would be the perfect time to visit him. I’ve been worried about visiting him ‘cause I’ve never been good at these kinds of situations…I’ve never been good at visiting sick people, people going through heavy problems and people who are grieving over the loss of a loved one…I’m worried about what I should say or how I should act…but I guess yesterday I had to get over these worries. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw, it was heart breaking to see how his condition has deteriorated...I knew that there is nothing I could say or do that would make things better for him…but I realized that I didn’t have to say anything or do anything…I just had to be there. He asked me to sing for him…my family and I sang a couple of songs. We went there thinking that we could bring him comfort by giving him gifts, encouragement and prayers but amazingly he was the one who gave us comfort…yesterday he taught us a very valuable lesson…he taught us to offer our all to God in worship. May it be our pain or trials or heartaches we have to offer them all as praise and worship to God. It is amazing how despite the pain and suffering he is going through he can still praise God and declare His grace. I am guilty of discontent…God has blessed me with so much yet I demand for more. I know it is very difficult thing to do but for the next year (2006) my new year’s resolution is to be content and be grateful to God for what I have…I’ll complain less and praise God more.

Back from Paradise

I'm back from paradise...hehe! Would have been cool to stay longer in Boracay but there's still no place like home.

I had a wonderful time in Boracay...was hoping I could meet some gorgeous surfer dude but most of the guys I saw there were taken or not gorgeous at all(kapal ko! akala mo kung sinong maganda...hehe!) but mind you, even the ungorgeous men were taken...guess this proves that their is a shortage of men in this world...hehe! Although I didn't get to fish a guy I still had a good time swimming and eating...hehe!

Boracay was sooooooooooooooooo beautiful. The sand was white and really fine(para siyang polvoron) and the water's really clear. I dream of having a house somewhere in that island where I could probably put up my dream restaurant and a language school for the hordes and hordes of Koreans who seem to be trying to take over our country. But it's cool that these foreigners appreciate the beauty of our country...too bad not every Filipino has the luxury of enjoying the same thing.

It's Christmas Eve day...Christmas will soon be over. I don't like feeling this way...I don't like the thought that after this Christmas I'm gonna have to wait another year 'til the next one:( I thought this Christmas would be different for me...but I guess it's not yet time.

I NEED A BREAK!!!

I had a really loooooong Monday. Wasn't really busy...it just went by really slow...felt like time was taking it's sweet time crawling around the clock. Didn't go well at all...two of my people didn't come to work...one just submitted his letter of resignation...another will be resigning soon...I'm never good at dealing with changes. Well these people are leaving not because they want to but because they have to...one will be preparing for his board exam and the other has to take care of business at home...I'm really really sad to see them go:(

Was planning on writing about how my birthday went two weeks ago but I was just too busy to write about how wonderful it was...hehe! I would like to try and write about it now but the sadness I'm feeling is quite overwhelming that I won't be able to clearly describe how happy I was two weeks ago...maybe some other time.

I'm going to Boracay this Wednesday....YAYYYYYYY!!!! I hope this trip will somehow help me regain the energy I've lost from work for the past months. It's been a long time since I last had a REAL BREAK so I'm gonna make sure that this break will be GREAT!

birthday blues

I'm turning 27 in 3 days. I was excited about celebrating my birthday a few days ago but it looks like excitement has turned to fear...it's not that I'm scared to grow old...I'm just worried that I may be growing old without getting to experience life in all its splendor...I'm worried that one of these days I'd look back, ask myself what I've accomplished and see nothing...I'm worried that people would keep on asking me when I'm gonna get married or why am I still single and I'm gonna have to smile a fake smile and say that I'm staying single by choice and that I'm enjoying life too much that I wouldn't want to tie myself up to someone when in fact what's keeping me from getting married is the lack of someone to whom I can be married to (haha!)...pardon me for whining...well it's been a while since I whined in here...hehe!

I know it's stupid for me to worry about all these silly things...I actually should be thankful 'cause I think I had one great year...I met new friends that I intend to keep for a looooooooong time...I got a job which surprisingly, I totally enjoy, even love...I'm just starting to enjoy single life, going out with friends...going home late(hehe) and just enjoying life...I got the chance to teach these these awesome students who ironically are teaching me sooooooooooooo much about life...I have a family which may be FAR from perfect but I truly adore...God has blessed me with so much this year and I must say that I've learned a lot...'guess I'm growing up(finally! hehe).

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I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the umpteenth time and the first disc of Before Sunrise and as usual, they made me all melancholic. I don't know why I do this to myself...why do I intentionally make myself sad? hehe! Am I sick or something??? Sometimes I wonder whether there may be something wrong with my brain...do other people think about these things too??? I remember seeing the trailer of the movie "Proof" with Gwyneth Paltrow and Athony Hopkins...I remember there was a part there where the character of Gwyneth who was a Math genius was telling Athony Hopkins, his equally genius father, about her fear that she may be going crazy since they have a history of women in their family just losing it...anyway...so she asked her father whether she could be going crazy and her father said that she can't be going crazy...she asked "why?"...he said "crazy people don't ask themselves whether they're going crazy." Am I going crazy??? hehe!